and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalms 37:4
Lately, I have been learning the lesson of letting go. For awhile, now, dating has appealed more and more to me. I asked for God's guidance on who was the right guy and to direct my feelings if they guy right in front of me wasn't in His plan. At first, I had just became more and more attracted to Him, but then slowly everything started falling apart. I can remember standing in my room, crying harder than I have ever before:
Lord, I just don't understand. Why...why....why. I know you have a plan for me. I know you have a guy waiting for me. I know I have to seek you first before you will show me who that is and I have prayed if it is not your will that you would lead me away from him. I know if I follow your will that I will be saving myself from heartbreaks. So why does this hurt so badly now?
I kept praying and God kept showing me more and more clearly that this one individual wasn't the one He had for me. However, I was still around him all the time and whether or not I was admitting it to myself or not- I was still clinging to the idea that maybe someday it would be in God's plan. Maybe not now, but at some point I would get what I thought was best.
Many times our world becomes way to small. Take a moment and think of how great and mighty the God who holds our hearts is. How could we every think for one moment we could come up with something more perfect than His plan?
I began to see that I limiting God because the things I see as perfect can not even compare to the perfection of His purpose for me and my heart.
At this point, it was so vividly clear in my mind and heart that I had to let go and it wasn't easy. However, the only way I could let go of a relationship I had convinced myself was perfect was to trust my Lord with all my heart and to lean on Him and His understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)
Letting go for me was a process. Not as in I let go a little at a time, but in the way that it got easier everyday.
Tonight as I was going about my evening I began to think about how at peace my heart is and how comforting it is to know that you are exactly where God wants you to be- you are completely surrendered to Him. God spoke to my heart through His word and everything suddenly was so clear.
Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart....
I thought if I kept my focus on God and trust in Him, He would give me the desire for that guy to lead me through a dating relationship. When really whenever we completely look to our Savior and delight in Him, our only desire is to grow more in Him and to be drawn closer in His love- the truest of all. Whenever we surrender to that true love, it brings the deepest peace and comfort. Far more than any other person could give you on their own.
I challenge you and hope that if their is anything you are holding on too that is not God's love, you would feel God's strength and let go and hold on to the One who holds this world in His hands. I promise you that He has the most perfect plan for your life and He knows what perfect is because He humbled Himself to come show us that when He died on the cross for our sins.
Lord, thank you for giving me the trials to make me have a stronger faith in you. Thank you for the times when I didn't understand because it was then that you gave me wisdom. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and being with me everyday even when I couldn't see you. I love you.
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